She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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