I wanna bring you to show and tell
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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