I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
