WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
