dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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