I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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