He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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