I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
