Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
