I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
