yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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