**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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