barbara walters just said penis...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
