I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
