I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
