think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
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My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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