it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
