I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She just used a chaser for red wine.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
