How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
