a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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