Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
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Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
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My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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