Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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