should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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