Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
