matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
