Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
