Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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