in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
