You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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