nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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