It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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