Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
