Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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