This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
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