I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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