I just saw a hot homeless man
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
