I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
