His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
