the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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