quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
