if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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