so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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