"it" just moved
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
