It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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