I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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