you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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