I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
