i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
