girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
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