She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
