Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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