Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
