im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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