i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
