I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
