I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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