remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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