So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
