I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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