We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
