Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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