i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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