I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
