Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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