Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
