He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
