No stitches, just platelets and will power
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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