I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
